Thursday, November 10, 2005

Anything but "nondescript".

So there you have it. The long- thought-out answer to the question I posed yesterday. If I were to place an adjective in front of my name, it could be one of several things, except nondescript. That was a word a friend used to describe another person in my life recently. I thought about it then, and I thought about it yesterday and I still think that "nondescript" is one of the saddest words a person could use to describe me.
I think "saint" is still a bit lofty- although Phyllis McGinley had this to say about saints in her book, Saint-Watching, "For the wonderful thing about saints is that they were [and I think, still are] human. They lost their tempers, got hungry, scolded God, were egotistical, or testy or impatient in their turns, made mistakes and regretted them. Still they went on doggedly blundering toward heaven."
I guess "Saint Jody" is one I'm still working on. I also thought of "adept". I'm skilled at many things by virtue of being a mother and wife. I also like "creative" and "realistic" even. But don't try nondescript. In fact I would rather be "crazy" or "misguided" or even "horribly-mistaken" if you count hyphens... but nondescript means to me that you didn't even try. That you never put yourself out there. That you walked along easy street your whole life and never sought adventure, good or bad, along the way. If a person giving a eulogy (is that how you spell that?!) at my funeral says, "She was...nice. Jody was a good person." I think I would cry about that.
I don't expect flowery language or rhetoric that goes on and on at my funeral- but I hope that I end up contributing something a little bit meaningful to the people whose lives I touch along the way. I think that we owe it to ourselves to seek to be something more than just merely existing.
Although...there are moments (occasionaly hours or days) in my life when I question the purpose of my being. In those painful moments- at the very bottom of life's pits, I usually look up- and in so doing find my hope.
That's where the title of this blog comes from. I truly believe that there is something more to all of this than our human eyes can behold. I have felt it in my soul. I have heard it in my heart. And when I close my eyes sometimes I catch a glimpse of what I hope for in the future. For every one of us here on earth-no matter what word we pick to describe ourselves-with each breath we take, we are then one breath closer to that place.
Okay. Maybe I'll just get out the ol' jeans and t-shirt blog again tomorrow. Whew!

No comments: